I recently discovered that I kind of envy you. And envy everyone who had their first girlfriend or boyfriend and it was a happy tale, happy memories, it doesn't matter whatever that tale's ending was.

I think I have some sweet memories of him and our time together, but then everything became stained and I don't want to remember anything at all. Yes, we had sex. "Made love" a few times, had sex all the rest. I shared him with another woman because I wasn't good enough, my mother hated me and I almost became pregnant. I let myself fall into the well called bulimia, then got sick for even eating candy. They though it was something serious but it wasn't a real issue.

I know you lost her.

And I know it hurt and still does.

But just can't stop thinking how happy you must have been for so long, when I haven't had a single happy relationship. Betrayed, used, thrown away then left behind (just to try to be picked up again when he wanted to fuck, but I told him to fuck off). After that, then again left behind. "Oh ok, so now we're girlfriend and boyfriend *kiss*" and he went to Argentina, didn't even call when came back and never wanted to talk to him after that. At that time I got tired of real life, still felt VERY attracted to this certain girl, but got dumped lol. Why? Because we were friends, and she LOVED me... just as friends. God, I swear I could've been lotsa times better than "Ekkö"... I just wasn't as pretty as her, or as small, adorable and slender as her. I just wasn't her and will never be. I'm not as small and slender - not even blonde as her.

Then I really got tired of real life.

And tried entering a chat room, then there was this guy... and once again I let myself fall into a well not so deep as the former, let myself drown in invisible waters 'til I reached bottom and came out pretty hurt. Tried the same with some people and still can't get to the point.

I'm so tired of getting that "when are you going to get a REAL BOYFRIEND for once of all" crap. Not that I'm giving up, I just... can't wait for time to pass. Faster.

Please Mr Time run faster.




Marilyn Manson - Great big White World

15:57 -  0 notes here
...

octubre 2006 × noviembre 2006 × diciembre 2006 × enero 2007 × febrero 2007 × marzo 2007 × abril 2007 × mayo 2007 × junio 2007 × julio 2007 × agosto 2007 × septiembre 2007 × octubre 2007 × noviembre 2007 × diciembre 2007 × enero 2008 × febrero 2008 × marzo 2008 × abril 2008 × mayo 2008 × junio 2008 × julio 2008 × agosto 2008 × septiembre 2008 × octubre 2008 × noviembre 2008 × diciembre 2008 × enero 2009 × febrero 2009 × marzo 2009 × abril 2009 × mayo 2009 × junio 2009 × julio 2009 × agosto 2009 × septiembre 2009 × octubre 2009 ×

I recently discovered that I kind of envy you. And envy everyone who had their first girlfriend or boyfriend and it was a happy tale, happy memories, it doesn't matter whatever that tale's ending was.

I think I have some sweet memories of him and our time together, but then everything became stained and I don't want to remember anything at all. Yes, we had sex. "Made love" a few times, had sex all the rest. I shared him with another woman because I wasn't good enough, my mother hated me and I almost became pregnant. I let myself fall into the well called bulimia, then got sick for even eating candy. They though it was something serious but it wasn't a real issue.

I know you lost her.

And I know it hurt and still does.

But just can't stop thinking how happy you must have been for so long, when I haven't had a single happy relationship. Betrayed, used, thrown away then left behind (just to try to be picked up again when he wanted to fuck, but I told him to fuck off). After that, then again left behind. "Oh ok, so now we're girlfriend and boyfriend *kiss*" and he went to Argentina, didn't even call when came back and never wanted to talk to him after that. At that time I got tired of real life, still felt VERY attracted to this certain girl, but got dumped lol. Why? Because we were friends, and she LOVED me... just as friends. God, I swear I could've been lotsa times better than "Ekkö"... I just wasn't as pretty as her, or as small, adorable and slender as her. I just wasn't her and will never be. I'm not as small and slender - not even blonde as her.

Then I really got tired of real life.

And tried entering a chat room, then there was this guy... and once again I let myself fall into a well not so deep as the former, let myself drown in invisible waters 'til I reached bottom and came out pretty hurt. Tried the same with some people and still can't get to the point.

I'm so tired of getting that "when are you going to get a REAL BOYFRIEND for once of all" crap. Not that I'm giving up, I just... can't wait for time to pass. Faster.

Please Mr Time run faster.




Marilyn Manson - Great big White World

15:57 -  0 notes here
...

octubre 2006 × noviembre 2006 × diciembre 2006 × enero 2007 × febrero 2007 × marzo 2007 × abril 2007 × mayo 2007 × junio 2007 × julio 2007 × agosto 2007 × septiembre 2007 × octubre 2007 × noviembre 2007 × diciembre 2007 × enero 2008 × febrero 2008 × marzo 2008 × abril 2008 × mayo 2008 × junio 2008 × julio 2008 × agosto 2008 × septiembre 2008 × octubre 2008 × noviembre 2008 × diciembre 2008 × enero 2009 × febrero 2009 × marzo 2009 × abril 2009 × mayo 2009 × junio 2009 × julio 2009 × agosto 2009 × septiembre 2009 × octubre 2009 ×